Even though we talk a lot about marriage and increasing that connection between you and your partner, not all of our clients are married or in a serious relationship. Many of our clients, in fact, come to us because they are either wanting to step into the dating world or are currently trying to find someone to date.
Along their dating journey, they’ve discovered that they have some issue, something blocking them from being successful and finding happiness in relationships. Those blocks might be lack of experience, self doubts, low self-esteem or a tendency to pick the wrong person.
Thanks to the advances in technology, for example, online dating websites and apps, the opportunity to reach others has exploded. While for many, this seemingly limitless opportunity to meet your match is a blessing, for others, it can be even more of a nightmare. Now there is a whole new platform for rejection. So many of our clients come to use feeling overwhelmed and even more hesitant to put themselves out there. They feel that because there are so many more opportunities now to reach others, that they will continue to be overlooked. It can be scary experience.
Unfortunately, when we live life with a constant fear of rejection, we are unable to open ourselves up to the happiness that awaits us. By focusing on the negative, we put up walls, or barriers, that further impede our life, like habits of destructive thinking or we develop self-esteem issues. These lingering feelings will only deepen into feelings of anxiety and depression. You will find yourself becoming a person that no one wants to be around. You will develop feeling of anger and blame others for your own insecurities.
All of us have been stood up for a date at one time or another. We’ve all wondered if we were good enough, pretty enough, smart enough. You aren’t alone in thinking that, even though it may feel like it at times. It’s completely normal to feel that you are unworthy of love. A lot of people struggle to gain the confidence needed to put themselves out on display for the world. But if you don’t take the time to focus on yourself, you aren’t going to live life to your full potential.
By becoming a secure individual and opening yourself up for dating, you are more likely to find a better match. You will blossom into the person you are meant to be. Using a therapist as a dating coach will help you identify exactly the type of person you want to be with, be more efficient in your search and even learn to enjoy the process of dating. You will gain the self-confidence and insight needed to become successful. You will be able to learn from your past dating mistakes and create new habits for the future.
By not changing your dating habits, you will not find success
It’s true that dating isn’t always easy. However, if you can learn how to challenge your irrational beliefs and figure out where to go to be successful in dating, you can find happiness. When you implement easy changes in our life, your dating life will prosper. If you do nothing, you will achieve nothing. But if you make an effort, you will be amazed at the results. Keep reading for our top 4 tips so you can start achieving success in dating today.
The biggest downside of not overcoming your problem is that you may find yourself alone. At the very least, you will find yourself unsuccessful in your dating life. Or you may find yourself settling and wind up with a partner who is unsuitable for you.
With help, you will find dating to be an enjoyable experience.
By making a sincere effort to change your dating life and to find the confidence in who you are, you may find that you actually enjoy dating. You may start to enjoy getting to know others. Although you may struggle with your feelings of self-worth, you have the potential to become something more than a couch potato.
When we choose to make an effort, when we choose to make changes in our life, there is a possibility to achieve happiness. We will find ourselves open to see what life has in store. Let’s take a look at these 4 simple ways to improve your dating habits.
4 Ways to Achieve Success and Happiness in Dating
Be willing to go to the “right” places to meet quality people.
- One of the reasons that you struggle with success in your dating life that is that you simply aren’t going to the right places. You’ll give yourself a better chance to talk and bond with people that you know you share an interest with if you simply put yourself at a place that interests you. For example, if you’re scouting at bars that feel less intimate or overwhelming, but you’ve never tried an activity group or joined a sports league where you know you’d meet people with common interests, you might be looking for love in all the wrong places (literally).
Identify and challenge your irrational beliefs.
- You might have heard that cliche before, “Fake it until you make it.” Maybe you don’t believe you are attractive even though most others do, or you find yourself constantly demanding more than partners are willing to give you. Much of our dating success or failure is a result of our belief system and whether we have healthy thoughts and expectations of what relationships should be. This is a core area where a therapist can help you change your belief system into one that will help you be successful.
Adjust the way you view the dating process.
- One of the reasons that you struggle with dating is that your entire outlook of the dating process as a whole is faulty. One of my old clients once shared with me that as soon as she began to look at going on dates as “just an opportunity to make another friend”, her attitude shifted and she found more success romantically. So many people put way too much focus on the dating process. They stress themselves out by thinking that if they don’t meet the “love of their life” right away, then there is something wrong. You aren’t expected to find prince or princess charming on the very first date just because you successfully matched online.
Be open to recreational dating!
- The first stage of dating is all about testing the waters! Recreational dating is dating multiple people at once and having fun with it. Many of my clients have talked about becoming attached too quickly, not having time, or feeling wrong in some way for dating several people. Being open to dating recreationally does not mean you’re doing anything wrong. Until your relationship with one person has gone to the next level (as agreed upon by both partners), you’re not obligated to see each other exclusively.
You can find success in dating if you are willing to look at yourself and open yourself up to the possibilities. If this process feels overwhelming you don’t have to do it alone. We can help you find the confidence that you need to put yourself out there and work through the lingering issues that have been stopping you from finding your person. Click here to schedule your appointment with Solid Foundations Therapy today.