Discernment Counseling in Downers Grove, IL
When One of You Wants Out and the Other Wants to Try. There Is a Path Forward.
You have probably had the same painful conversation more than once. One of you brings up divorce. The other isn't ready to give up. You both walk away feeling unheard, more distant, and no closer to knowing what to do.
Maybe you are the one who has been considering leaving for a while now and you are exhausted from trying to explain how you feel. Or maybe you are the one desperately wanting to save the marriage, watching your partner pull away and not knowing how to stop it.
Either way, you are stuck. Not stuck because you are weak or because your marriage is hopeless. Stuck because you are being asked to make one of the biggest decisions of your life while you are in the middle of an emotional storm.
Discernment counseling is specifically designed for exactly this moment.
What Is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment counseling is a structured, short-term process developed by Dr. William Doherty at the University of Minnesota specifically for couples where one partner is seriously considering divorce and the other wants to save the marriage. It is not couples therapy. It is not mediation. It is something different.
The goal is not to fix your marriage during these sessions. The goal is clarity, helping each of you gain a deeper understanding of what happened in the relationship, what your role in it has been, and what path forward makes the most sense for you.
Discernment counseling typically takes between one and six sessions. It is intentionally brief because the purpose is not to do the work of rebuilding since it is meant to help you decide clearly and confidently whether rebuilding is something you both want to pursue.
At the end of the process, couples choose one of three paths. You may decide to move forward with couples therapy with a genuine commitment to rebuilding the marriage. You may decide to move toward separation or divorce with a clearer understanding of why. Or you may decide you need more time before making any permanent decision. All three outcomes are valid.
Our only goal is that you reach yours with clarity rather than crisis.
The therapists at SFT will help you decide what path to take.
Whether you try to improve your marriage, move toward divorce, or take a time out to decide later, we will be there to support you.
How Discernment Counseling Works at Solid Foundations Therapy.
Each discernment counseling session has a specific structure. You begin the session together as a couple, briefly reviewing where things stand. Then each partner meets individually with the therapist for separate private conversations. The session ends with all three of you together to close.
The individual time is the most important part. Because you are starting from different places, each of you needs a private space to speak honestly about how you feel, what you want, and what you are afraid of. Your therapist will not share what you say in your individual time with your partner without your permission.
Between sessions, your therapist will likely assign specific reflection exercises or tasks to help move your decision making process forward. This is not passive reflection. It is directed work that prepares you for the next conversation.
The therapist does not take sides and does not push you toward any particular outcome. What the therapist does do is help each of you look honestly at your own contribution to where the relationship is today. Not to assign blame, but because understanding your part is what allows you to make a clear-eyed decision about your future — whether that future includes this relationship or not.
Discernment counseling is available in person at our Downers Grove, IL office and via secure telehealth for couples anywhere in Illinois.
Why Choose Solid Foundations Therapy for Discernment Counseling?
Discernment counseling is a specialized methodology and not every therapist is trained to deliver it properly. Our therapists hold specific training in the discernment counseling model developed by Dr. William Doherty, the evidence-based approach that defines how this work is done when it is done properly.
Additionally, At Solid Foundations Therapy, our therapists have specific training in the discernment counseling model and understand the unique dynamics of working with couples where partners are in fundamentally different places emotionally.
We are a relationship-specialty practice. Every therapist on our team focuses exclusively on relationship and individual therapy, this is not a general mental health practice that occasionally sees couples. That specialization matters when the work is this nuanced.
We also understand that couples who come for discernment counseling may ultimately need different services. If you decide together to work on rebuilding the marriage, we offer couples therapy and marriage counseling to continue that work. If the decision is to move forward with separation, we offer collaborative divorce coaching and divorce recovery support. Whatever path you choose, we can walk alongside you.
Ready to Stop Going in Circles?
You do not need to have a decision made before you call. You do not need to agree with your partner on what you want. You just need to be willing to show up.
We will handle the rest.
Call us at 630-633-8532, email us, or click below to schedule your first discernment counseling session.
We offer in-person sessions in Downers Grove, IL and online sessions for couples anywhere in Illinois. Most new clients are seen within one to two weeks.
Common Concerns Clients may have About Discernment Counseling.
Will the therapist try to talk us out of divorce?
Absolutely not. Our therapists do not have an agenda about which path you choose. The process is designed to support whichever decision is right for you, made with as much clarity and honesty as possible. Therapists trained in discernment counseling are specifically trained not to push couples toward reconciliation or divorce. Your outcome is yours, our job is to help you reach it with confidence.
Is discernment counseling just couples therapy with a different name?
No. Couples therapy assumes both partners are committed to working on the relationship. Discernment counseling is specifically designed for situations where that shared commitment does not yet exist. The format, goals, and techniques are different. Attempting regular couples therapy when one partner is seriously considering divorce can actually deepen the damage. Discernment counseling helps you determine whether couples therapy is even the right next step.
What if we disagree on which path to take at the end?
This may happen. Discernment counseling does not force a resolution, it helps you get honest about where you actually stand. If this happens, your therapist will help both partners understand where they are and what their realistic options are.
Frequently Asked Questions About Discernment Counseling in Downers Grove
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Discernment counseling is intentionally brief. Most couples complete the process in one to six sessions. The short-term format is by design. The goal is clarity about your direction, not the longer work of rebuilding the relationship.
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Discernment Counseling can not be billed to insurance. It is a self pay service. Two hour first session is $340, One hour first session is $170, all other sessions are $160.
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Your next step depends on which path you choose — and we will help you figure out what that looks like. Couples who decide to rebuild typically move into couples therapy or marriage counseling. Couples who decide to separate can access collaborative divorce coaching and divorce recovery support through our practice.
Take the Next Step
Call us at 630-633-8532, email us, or click below to schedule your first discernment counseling session.
