Dating. To some of us, it’s just one of those things that you do in life. You eat, you sleep, you date. It’s not a big deal. But for so many others out there, dating is an intimidating ritual that we put ourselves through in order to potentially find ourselves a mate. Between friends, social media, and online dating sites, there are no shortage of dating options out there. But for introverts, it takes extra effort to date. Introverts must step outside of their comfort zone and share a piece of themselves with someone else.
If you’re an introvert, then maybe for you, the idea of dating physically makes you feel sick. Those aren’t butterflies in your stomach, they are wolverines. Your palms are sweaty and you feel lightheaded. You dread the idea of having to make small talk and find yourself babbling on about nonsense in order to avoid a lull in the conversation. You may even feel like you will be judged for wanting some time alone. You find it hard to connect with others and wonder if something is wrong with you, like maybe you are expecting too much. You may simply feel discouraged by the lack of understanding you’ve faced in the past by your dating partners.
It doesn’t have to be that way though. You can have a successful dating life as an introvert. But if you aren’t willing to take the time to work on and overcome the challenges you are facing than you will continue to not enjoy the process of dating. You will continue to remain alone and isolated, a place that feels safe but not satisfying. Instead choose to make the effort to step outside of your comfort zone, and make connections that your truly enjoy. Working with your personality is the key here, don’t try to work against who you really are and what yours needs are.
While it’s tempting to stay in your comfort zone the consequences of doing so may result in you remaining stuck, You may miss out on finding that special partner for your life. Your alone time may start to feel lonely instead of good. You may have feelings of depression or that maybe something is wrong with you. Living in isolation is not how we are meant to live. You deserve the opportunity to feel at ease in a relationship and share yourself without fear of being judged. People crave connections in a relationship — even introverts who thoroughly enjoy alone time and would rather do most things alone.
Keep reading for my 4 simple ways to help introverts navigate the dating world.
How to Have a Satisfying Dating Life as an Introvert
These tips aren’t meant for someone interested in only the status quo. In order for you to thrive, you must be open and willing to take that next step. If you are ready and willing to make a change in your life for the better, then keep reading for my 3 simple tips.
1) Know yourself and plan accordingly. If you know that you aren’t a big fan of night clubs, then don’t plan to go to one on your date. If your potential partner has no interest in sitting down with you at a coffee shop and would rather go dancing all night, then take a step back and see if that person is even someone that you really want to be with. In our effort to not be alone, we sometimes make rash decisions when it comes to a mate. We don’t have to settle.
2) Know your Limits. When we first start dating someone, our world seems to revolve around that person either through messaging back and forth or actually seeing each other in person. This can be a lot for an Introvert as they often need more alone time to recharge. know when you need to take a step back for some alone time.
It’s easy for anyone, especially someone not in tune with themselves, to get burnt out. It’s okay to tell the person you are dating that you want to take time for yourself or that you need to spend your Saturday night with a warm bath and binge on Netflix. But to keep that enthusiasm going with that person, go ahead and schedule out your next date together.
3) Be comfortable. When you go out on a date with someone, make sure that you are comfortable with your surroundings. Being in a familiar location will make you feel safe and relaxed. Wear something that is comfortable to you. I’m not saying look like a slob, but wear clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable. No need to splurge on a new dress, wear the one you bought a few years ago to wear to work if it makes you feel good about yourself.
When you are feeling comfortable, it’ll be reflected in the way you engage with your date. You’ll be able to ask those deeper questions that really allow you the opportunity to connect with someone and get to know them.
4) Outsource. You don’t have to navigate the dating world alone. Bring in a professional. By using a therapist as a dating coach, you will identify exactly the type of person you want to be with, be more efficient in your search and even learn to enjoy the process of dating.
If you have found yourself frustrated with the dating scene, constantly finding yourself in dead end relationships, or not sure how to find the right person you are a great candidate for dating coaching. By bringing in a therapist, you have a non-biased party willing to guide you through the ups and downs of dating. Therapy can help you rise above fears, shyness, and self-judgment in all areas of your life.
By seeing a therapist, you will also gain a better understanding of where your issues are. You may discover that you have a real social anxiety, especially if talking to anyone new makes you incredibly nervous. Therapists are skilled in helping you work through your fears and will provide you with the tools needed to work past it.
If this process feels overwhelming, you don’t have to do it alone. The therapist at Solid foundations Therapy can help you find the confidence that you need to put yourself out there and work through the lingering issues that have been stopping you from finding your partner.
Click here to schedule your appointment with one of our therapist today today.