How to Identify and Gain Trust!

Are you currently struggling with the topic of trust within your life? If you are, know you aren’t alone as trust is something that many people struggle with.

Trust is something that is difficult to identify but we often know within our gut whether we have trust for someone or not. In fact, you may be surprised that many people find that they lack trust
even within themselves.

Since trust is a tricky thing to identify and put into words, I wanted to share with you something I’ve come across that helps in explaining it to my clients.

Currently, Brené Brown is all the rage in the field of counseling, and I believe, it is for a good reason. She does a great job at demystifying trust, and making it into something everyone can take a look at to truly identify why trust either exists or doesn’t exist through the use of the acronym BRAVING.

BRAVING stands for the following:

B= Boundaries: respecting boundaries and also having boundaries of your own
R= Reliability: the ability to be reliable and authentic in all that you do
A= Accountability: the ability to own mistakes, apologize, and make amends when necessary
V= Vault: keeping what is shared with you private; no gossiping; respecting confidentiality
I= Integrity: choosing courage over comfort; doing what is right over what is easy or fun; putting
your own values into practice
N= Non-judgment and reciprocity: offering AND asking for help when needed
G= Generosity: believing the best in others even when they have disappointed you in the past

Now that we’ve identified the different components of trust and whether it does or doesn’t exist, a person can then determine what may be missing from their trust and then have the ability to work on it if desired.

Of course, keep in mind trust begins with ourselves, so a good question to ask yourself is do you trust yourself? If you don’t, what is missing for you to fully trust yourself? From there you can begin working on the areas that are missing to feel more confident within yourself so that you can openly give it to others in return.

So, now that we’ve identified whether trust exists, it’s equally as important to learn how you can tell if you should give someone your trust in the first place.

Bellow are 7 great questions to ask yourself about others to gage whether it’s a good idea to trust someone and how to gain trust in areas that are lacking:

1. Does the person respect your boundaries or do they push them or even ignore your boundaries?
2. Is this the person that you can rely on consistently or can you rely on them sometimes or never?
3. Is the person willing to take ownership of their mistakes and are they willing to apologize when needed or do they deflect from themselves or ignore their mistakes?
4. Do you know that the person will not reveal anything that is said in private to someone else or do you fear that other people will find out what you had said in private?
5. Is the person willing to have tough conversations even if it feels uncomfortable or does the person prefer to ignore the issue?
6. Does the person offer support without judgment or do you feel judged when speaking with the person?
7. Is the person willing to ask for support and willing to give support or do they rarely or never ask for support?

Once you identify which of these components are missing, you can then work on building trust by having an open conversation with the person about what you feel is lacking. Together you can create an action plan on how to strengthen trust such as clarifying your boundaries, working on consistency, taking ownership of their mistakes, keeping information confidential, having
tough conversations when needed (potentially like this conversation), being non-judgmental, and/or be willing to give support and ask for support.

Trust is not an easy thing to have whether that be with yourself or within your relationships with others. My hope is that by following these tips it will help you work on gaining trust and improving your relationships. I encourage you to practice asking these questions when you are uncertain as to whether trust should be given.

If you find yourself having a hard time trusting others or regaining trust after a difficult situation, you do not have to go at it alone. Solid Foundations can help! Learn more at solidfoundationstherapy.com or give us a call at 630-633-8532 today!