We all want successful relationships and one way to achieve that success is to avoid research proven things that destroy relationships. Studies have shown that the single best predictor of divorce is the presence of contempt. Otherwise known as the "sulfuric acid" of love - quite a description! The reason that contempt is so destructive is that any statement that is considered contemptuous communicates a feeling of disgust to your partner. Contempt develops in relationships because we feel that our needs are repeatedly not met and that are partner owes it to us to meet them.

This time of year we talk a lot about New Year's resolutions, and often that includes resolutions within your own relationship. It pays to reflect on ways that you can make it better many more times than once a year, but a new January is always a fresh start. One topic that can flood the holiday season is how to deal with in-laws! Let's face it - there are things you don't love about your spouse's mom and/or dad, and our guess is they feel the same about yours. We're only human! But, there are ways to make this easier on yourself - plus, a new year is a great time to start focusing on putting these into action. Here are some practical tips for getting along with your in-laws:

It's that time of year again! Once Halloween happens we know that Thanksgiving is around the corner, and Thanksgiving is our reminder to get ready for Christmas. The season comes and goes quickly, and as lovely as it is to have days off, spend time with family and decorate the house, it has its stresses too. Often times, the biggest area we see these play out is in our closest relationships

It's a dreaded question. It's possibly a question that you have half-heartedly asked yourself dozens of times without being fully ready to believe the answer. If you suspect your significant other has narcissistic traits, your relationship could be in a world of hurt. Reason being, people who possess these traits can be emotional con-artists, zapping you of your energy and making you question yourself at every turn,

Emotional or psychological abuse in a relationship can take a much different, and less obvious in some cases, role in romantic relationships. It may not rear its ugly head in the form of volatile explosions or angry, contempt-fueled outbursts - at times it is more elusive, confusing, or hard to detect. As a victim of emotional abuse, you probably feel low self-esteem, a lack of confidence, controlled, used, manipulated, or what many victims refer to as a constant feeling of "walking on eggshells."

We at Solid Foundations Therapy know that even the strongest of couples at times are faced with life challenges that create an immense amount of stress in the relationship. Many couples find it is more difficult to communicate through these big life changes. That may be due to how tied each person is to their viewpoint on how the transition should be best handled or their individual fears surrounding change. The communication starts to break town, tempers start to flair and conflict ensues.

When we're in love, our brain activity looks the same as it does in regions associated with motivation, craving, and reward. Happy chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine are also surging like crazy. There is actually research that shows even couples who have been together for decades can show similar brain activity to two kids in love - it just takes a little extra intentional effort!

One of the most common therapy goals we hear from couples is "we want to improve our communication" - or - "we want to deal with conflict better." By the time many couples join us in the therapy room their bad communication habits are deeply ingrained. We address many different facets of communication during the couples therapy to help couples reach those goals and get them back to a good place. The longer a couple waits to start therapy when needed the harder it is to help them develop the good habits of communication. Here are some signs that your communication habits might be in need of tweaking:

Spring is an exciting time of year! It stays lighter a little longer, and we finally feel reprieve from the winter blues. With the change in seasons we naturally have a bounce in our step and a surge in motivation to declutter the messiness in our lives. We want to encourage you to not only purge closets or reorganize your home, but take a look at things you can do to clean up your relationships too!

As relationship specialists, at Solid Foundations Therapy, we work with many people who have experienced grief and mourning in their life. During the emotional turmoil that accompanies a loss, it is easy to buy into some commonly held beliefs about grief that unfortunately are not very helpful in the long run. Here are some of the most common myths that we often dispel with our clients:

Be realistic:​​ Create 1-3 reasonable resolutions. The longer your list, the more likely you will become overwhelmed and abandon all of them. If you reach your initial goals early in the year, you can always identify new ones!

I can’t count the number of times a couple has sat on my couch, in our Downers Grove, Il office,  during the first session and one of the partners has said that sentence to the other person. It is a common phrase that people use to try and explain why they are no longer happy in a relationship. Unfortunately, all it highlights is a cultural misconception of romantic love and our desire for relationships to be easy.

We've all been there - the world of singles - a place that while fun and exciting, can be just as anxiety-provoking for many. As couples therapists, we are armed with tools that make relationships work, which gives us the ability to help coach individuals to make good dating decisions. We understand the many challenges that dating in today's world presents:

What is love if not a blissful, romantic, conflict-free connection with our significant other? The “honeymoon stage” is characterized by an abundance of positive feelings, lots of sex/affection, and an overall high that feels good but unfortunately can’t last forever. It’s not wrong to want the best for your relationship, however the unrealistic expectations of what the relationship should look like often keeps us from being happy.

The Ashley Madison hacking scandal has brought the public’s attention to just how prevalent cheating is in our society. While there are people who deliberately seek out an affair, many other unintentionally move down the relationship slippery slope, find themselves developing inappropriate feelings and crossing boundaries.

The school year started and inevitably, your family is stressed out again. Kids being back in school means you are juggling work with school schedules, dealing with teachers, homework, and rebellion from the kids following summer vacation.