No one ever gets married expecting their marriage to end but divorce happens. Couples can get divorced for any numbers of reasons. It could be that the pair simply found themselves incompatible and were unwilling to try couple’s therapy. It could be that there are issues of emotions or physical abuse or that a partner has been cheating. It could be that children are now in the mix and even though you once thought you were on the same page in raising them, your parenting styles are now drastically different.
At Solid Foundations Therapy, we strongly believe in marriage and do everything we can to help couples stay together. Unfortunately, there are times when, despite your best efforts, the marriage has been compromised beyond repair by too much conflict or distance and loneliness. This can often trigger profound feelings of grief, anger, and stress at the thought of having failed and having to start over. We want to support your through those times as well.
People arrive at the decision to divorce for many reasons. It’s rarely a quick decision and people often go back and forth about it for years.
Maybe for you, there had been something in your relationship that has felt off. You might have felt that way for months, maybe even years. It seemed like you and your partner were merely cohabiting as roommates, nothing more. The intimacy had gone out of your relationship. Or maybe, your relationship had grown volatile. You and your spouse were constantly fighting, constantly nitpicking with one another. Every little comment escalated into a huge fight.
Or maybe you discovered that your partner had been unfaithful. Maybe it was a one time incidence, maybe it was something that had been occurring over a longer period of time. The two of decided to make an effort, attend couple’s therapy, but your relationship no longer made sense or seemed to be worth saving.
It’s okay to feel betrayed after divorce, especially if you are not the one that initiated the divorce. It’s common to feel ashamed that your marriage broke up. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed or confused. We often hear people questioning if divorce was even the best option for them, even after the process was started. But you do not need to go through this process alone.
It’s true that divorce hurts. It can be confusing. However, divorce recovery can help you during this difficult time. When you fully understand the root of what you need, it is entirely possible to find happiness after a divorce. Keep reading for why you should seek therapy after divorce.
SO WHY SHOULD YOU SEEK THERAPY AFTER A DIVORCE?
This is a very challenging time for you. You may find that you are struggling to focus at work, are having trouble sleeping or are losing of interest in activities that you used to enjoy. You may develop feelings of unworthiness, isolate yourself socially, have increased feelings of depression, or uncontrollable anger.
While your friends and family may want to be there for you, it’s normal to realize that you may need additional help. Therapist’s play a very different role in our lives compared to friends and family. During difficult transitions it’s often beneficial to have both.
It is important that you allow yourself time to fully grieve the loss of your relationship and the future that you might have envisioned with your partner. Divorce therapy can help you work through your sense of loss and anger about things not working out. It allows you to address your negative feelings in a productive way that allows you to feel validated and let them go.
Many people, especially those who might have been married for a long time may find that they no longer know who they are outside of their marriage. Therapy allows you to come to terms with your new life and offers an opportunity to rediscover who you are now as an individual.
One of the biggest reasons second marriages fail is people often blame their ex for the marriage ending instead of looking at themselves. As result they end up repeating the same behaviors and mistakes. Divorce recovery is an opportunity for you to evaluate what truly went wrong. To slow down and identify what role your ex-partner played in the end of your marriage and what role you played. So you can avoid making the same mistakes.
IS DIVORCE RECOVERY THE RIGHT FIT FOR YOU?
History often repeats itself. Therapy allows you to gain insight on when things might have started to go awry and what can be done in your future relationships to avoid a similar outcome. If you want your next relationship to be successful or if you want to learn how to live a happier life post-divorce, therapy is for you. You must be willing to put forth the effort to look at yourself and want to grow as an individual. Accepting that you may have played a role in your relationship deteriorating is a great first step in learning how to become happier version of yourself.
WHO ISN’T A GOOD FIT FOR OUR DIVORCE RECOVERY?
Divorce therapy isn’t for everyone. If you want to remain angry, if you want to only blame your former partner for you issues instead of seeing what role you may have played, then divorce recovery is not for you. If you are content with keeping your pain and grief inside, then divorce recovery is not for you. However, let us provide a bit of warning, by not coming to terms with the end of your marriage, those feelings will only fester inside of you. You will start to feel isolated and shut-off from the world around you.
WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT BY FROM DIVORCE RECOVERY THERAPY?
Divorce recovery can take many forms depending on your needs. At the root divorce recovery provides you with support and helps you process the sadness, anger and confusion that you may feel over the loss of your marriage. The therapist at Solid Foundations Therapy create a safe environment for you to explore your thoughts and feeling while focusing on helping you move into this new stage of your life.
We strongly believe that it’s important for you to understand what went wrong in your relationship so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes. We will guide you through taking an objective look at your ex-partners role and yours in the relationship not working out. We will help you make the necessary changes within yourself so that you can be confident that you are bringing your best self to future relationships.
When you are ready to start dating we will help you take those next steps. Through the process of learning about yourself, your wants and and needs in a relationship, we will help you create a concrete concept of who you need in a partner. We can even guide you through the steps of where to find people to date, how to make those first connections and your dates to ensure that you are making the most of your time.
SO WHAT NOW?
Divorce in one of life’s most significant transitions and is extremely painful to go through. Although you may struggle with feelings of failure, you have the power within you to take action. Lucky you don’t have to do it alone.
Therapy will allow us to dive deeper into your needs and explore what you require in order to process your divorce and find yourself successful in this new stage of life. Solid Foundations Therapy will work closely with you to help you achieve your goal.
There is life after divorce! Contact us today to schedule an appointment and start working on this new stage now.